Thursday, July 7, 2016

Mabel's nursery

I shared this quote on instagram a few weeks ago and I have it taped on my work computer, I feel like it really explains my whole life right now.



We just broke ground on a pretty large renovation/addition project on our house. The result is going to be a wonderful change, but right now my heart still feels incredibly broken. This project is typically something that I would be really excited about, but I don't have the same feeling of excitement about anything these days and this project is a distraction, something to keep me busy and make time feel like it is moving faster. Because of this, I am finding myself feeling anxious and just wanting the project to be finished already. It hasn't helped that we have spent almost five months already planning and getting everything in order.

The one thing about the project that I am most looking forward to is our new kitchen. I have always wanted to do a kitchen renovation, so this will probably be my only opportunity. The very best part of the kitchen is that Mabel's nursery is becoming part of our new eat-in kitchen. It sort of sounds odd, but the way our house is laid out now, the nursery was a walk-thru bedroom between our kitchen and hallway. This is really special to me, because I know we will spend more time in this room than any other, so her room will be the heart of our home.

The room gets great light, so it will really be a great place to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee and look out into our backyard. I am looking forward to spending a lot of time in this room just like I would have done in Mabel's nursery. I am hoping to share our plans and the progress over the next few months.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Four Months

Mabel would be four months old today. I haven't had much to say lately, so it didn't seem necessary to force writing a post. We are mostly just sad and miss our baby.

I had a moment last week where I realized that everything that has happened was truly real. We are no longer anticipating Mabel's arrival. It sounds crazy, but we had planned for her for so long and then she came and went so quickly that it is difficult to fully comprehend that we aren't just still waiting for her. We had been coping with the situation leading up to Mabel's birth, during her life, and now, grieving.

On top of grieving and allowing God to heal our hearts, we are figuring out how to move forward. We are pretty much back into our old routines now since I went back to work a few weeks ago. It is nice to feel productive, but at the same time I hate that we are back to our old routine since we should be adjusting to a new one with our sweet girl. And yet, each day I am thankful that God gives us the strength and grace to get through another day and that we got to spend those five weeks with Mabel.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Pictures of Mabel

In preparing for Mabel's memorial, Joe and I realized that between the two of us we had at least one picture of Mabel from every day of her life, so we got them all printed and displayed them at the church. I spend a lot of time scanning through these pictures and reliving those 37 days that we had with Mabel and thought those of you that couldn't make it might like to see them.

One thing I don't think I have ever mentioned on here is that we were able to have Mabel baptized on Christmas Day by the wonderful Reverend that married Joe and I. The hospital even had a beautiful gown to put her in that was made by a group of hospital volunteers. It was very special and will always make the holidays even more meaningful for us.